


Affirm

by SooperSara



Series: Zutara Week 2020 [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Affirm, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, One Shot, Podfic, Post-Southern Raiders, Zutara Week, Zutara Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25583500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SooperSara/pseuds/SooperSara
Summary: After confronting the man who took her mother's life, Zuko and Katara take an extra night away from their friends so Katara can begin to sort out her emotions.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zutara Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825771
Comments: 27
Kudos: 202
Collections: Zutara Week 2020





	Affirm

**Author's Note:**

> ####  [▶ Podfic](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ktW5SjCDFauW-sVHEX7UJcPV11v2gdAh/view?usp=sharing)

"You're disappointed." Katara sits curled into a ball, chin resting on her knees. "You wanted me to go through with it."

Zuko looks up at her for what feels like the first time in hours. By the light of the setting sun, his eyes almost glow. "What?"

She stares stubbornly into the campfire. Part of her knows that the rocky outcropping he chose for their campsite is beautiful and serene, that if she stood at the edge and watched the sea lapping against the shore below, it might calm her mind and put the churning in her stomach to rest. She refuses. She doesn't want to appreciate the scenery. She doesn't want to bring her emotions back under control. She isn't sure _what_ she wants, but serenity isn't it.

"Yon Rha." The name burns her throat and tastes bitter on her tongue. "You wanted me to kill him."

He sits back on the log and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. The ladle he's been using dangles between his fingers, and droplets of watery broth splash the ground. "I never said that."

"Then why—" Her voice catches, and she swallows. She is _not_ crying. She refuses to cry. She is angry, she is _enraged._ "Why aren't you saying anything? You must have _something_ to say. You must have an opinion. I left a murderer alive, and you're going to just—just—"

He doesn't flinch at her tone. Instead, he sits quiet as ever, watching.

"Just sit here?" he volunteers when the words finally fail her.

" _That!"_ Katara can hear the tension in her own voice. If Momo had come with them, he would be chattering at her like she was an unruly lemur pup. "Why are you just sitting there? You have to say _something._ Spirits know nobody else is going to let this slide."

That's the only reason they're here. In another hour or two, they could have gone back to the others, but Katara isn't ready to face them. She doesn't even really want to face Zuko, but she doesn't have much choice in the matter, and yelling feels better when there's someone there to listen.

Zuko looks away, staring into the campfire and fidgeting with the ladle still in his hands. "I don't know what you want me to say."

She can't sit still any longer, and she pushes herself to her feet. "Something. _Anything!"_ She throws her hands up. "Or—you know what, _no._ Not anything. Just the truth. Just tell me the truth."

He meets her eyes again and sits a little straighter. "Okay. About what?"

If she didn't know better, she might think that he sounds a bit like his uncle right now, calm and patient. Caring. Sincere.

Katara can't stop to think about it. She can feel her breaking point creeping ever closer, and the only way to keep it at bay is to let the rage run wild.

"You expected me to kill Yon Rha, didn't you?"

Zuko holds her gaze for a second, then looks away again, biting his lip.

"No. Look at me. Did you think I was going to kill Yon Rha?"

He manages it, briefly. "I don't know what I expected."

That isn't good enough. "You came along with me! Didn't you ever think about it?"

"Of course I did." His voice stays quiet, his expression steady.

She wishes he weren't so calm. Fighting is easier. Yelling at him, having him yell back is _so much easier_ than watching him take it and absorb her anger as fast as she can spill it out.

"Would you have stopped me? If I had actually—" She chokes on the words. _Killed him._ She isn't sure she wants the answer, but she can't go back now. She can't change her mind and end Yon Rha, and neither can she go back to the others and pretend that nothing has changed. It has. And all she can do to keep it from crushing her is to keep asking.

This time, Zuko holds her gaze a little longer. "I guess—I guess I didn't think it would come to that."

"You—" The fury builds higher and higher, white hot, until the edges of her vision start to blur. "You don't think I could have done it?"

Just like Aang. Just like Sokka. And Toph, and Suki, and— _everyone._ How weak do they think she is? How weak does Zuko think she is? Katara is a warrior, she's proven that time and again, and yet no one believes it, no one ever looks past her responsibilities, no one ever sees her as she is. She should be used to that by now, but it burns all the same, and now _Zuko—_

"No," Zuko interrupts her thoughts. "That's not what I meant." He lets out a slow sigh and drops the ladle back into the pot, then runs a hand through his hair. "I meant—you're a better person than me. You always have been."

That doesn't help. Katara crosses her arms.

"I guess I just—I believed that no matter what your decision was, it would be better than mine."

" _Your_ decision? What makes you think that you—"

Zuko's gaze holds steady, and when he interrupts, voice soft, she can't help but hear him. "My decision when I had the same choices as you. I made my decision weeks ago. I trusted you to do the same."

It throws her off balance, and for a moment, Katara can do nothing but stare. He looks sincere. She knows better than to trust that, she knows better than to trust _him,_ but it doesn't look like he's lying. She almost wishes Toph were here to confirm his sincerity. Except that she doesn't. Because Toph has been on Zuko's side all along, and because of that, her word means almost nothing to Katara.

"I don't—what?" She sits on the ground an arm's length away from him, almost without realizing it. If he was never going to stop her, if he trusts her to make a choice that he's already made for himself, then that means—that means that— "Did you ever find out who took your mother away?"

Zuko looks down at his hands. "I did."

It slows her racing thoughts, and for a second, it's easier to breathe. It's easier to think about something— _anything—_ other than Yon Rha.

"And met them?"

He nods.

"What happened?"

He takes a slow breath, the campfire swelling in response. "He tried to kill me. And—I left. I didn't return the favor."

Katara finds herself staring into the flames with him. Is that why he never said anything? Is that why he let her leave so readily? Because he did the same?

"Do you think I made the right choice?" she asks, voice barely over a whisper.

Zuko shrugs and leans forward again, elbows on his knees. "I don't know if there are any right choices."

Katara turns on him. Of course there are. There's right and wrong—there always has been and there always will be.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice crackles with anger again.

Somehow, he doesn't seem to notice. "We're in the middle of a war. People are getting hurt and dying all around us. The whole world is just— _wrong."_ He turns a soft look in her direction. "I just—I don't know if there's a right way for us to handle that. Some of the things that happen to us are so wrong that I think—" he pauses to inhale, and his hands clench together. "—I think the best we can do is find a way to live with it. Whatever it takes. At least until the war is over."

He makes sense. She hates that he makes sense.

Katara looks down and pulls her knees up to her chest.

"Do you think you can live with what you chose?" His voice is quiet, almost gentle.

Something that sounds a bit like a breathless laugh escapes her, and she feels like crying. But it's not quite as heavy as before. She feels less like spun glass ready to shatter. A lump rises in the back of her throat.

"I'll let you know when I figure that out." She swallows, and turns her eyes toward the sky, still bright in the gathering evening. "Can you live with what _you_ chose?"

She doesn't turn his way, but from the corner of her eye, she sees him rub the back of his neck.

"I'll let you know," he echoes her.

Katara lets out a slow, shaking breath and leans back against the log. She doesn't realize how close she is until his knee comes into view beside her, close enough that she could lean sideways and rest against him. She won't. She doesn't want to lean on him—that would be weird—but she doesn't try to move away either. In their time away from the others, she's grown accustomed to this proximity, and there are worse feelings in the world than the gentle, radiating heat that always seems to come from him.

"The Fire Nation could do a lot worse than you," she says in a voice near a whisper.

Zuko's voice is equally hushed. "What?"

"As royalty. You're—you're not the worst they could have come up with." It's the nearest she can bring herself to a compliment, and thankfully, he seems to understand.

"Thanks." He sighs, and from the corner of her eye, Katara sees him look up at the sky. "Though if we're lucky," he adds, "they'll find someone better than me."

She stares at the flickering flames, trying to time her breaths with the slow pattern of ebbs and swells. A few days ago, she would have agreed with him. She would have gone further; she would have insisted that the world had no _choice_ but to find someone better. Tonight, she is less certain. Zuko sees the world in a way that so many don't—in a way that she dares to think, just for a second, might be exactly what they all need.

She watches the flames in silence, uninterrupted. She loses track of time, lost inside her own thoughts.

She remembers that day again, the snowflakes that left heavy black smudges on her parka and a soft grayish tinge on every surface. She remembers the way the soot on the air burned her nose and her lungs, the impossible heaviness that held her back as she ran for help. And she remembers her mother.

She isn't sure when the tears start, but Zuko touches her shoulder before she realizes she is crying.

"Katara." His voice is so, so soft, and through her tears, she can see the concern in his eyes.

She leans in toward him, head resting on his knee. His warmth feels good. Even though she can't stop the tears, it feels _good_ to be close to someone. To him.

For a few seconds, Zuko doesn't seem to know what to do about her head resting on his knee, about the arm that finds its way around his legs. But then he moves, lifting her head and her hand just enough to make room for himself to sit on the ground beside her. Tentatively, he puts an arm around her, and Katara presses her face against his shoulder.

Tucked snug against his side, Katara sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> Emotional support + Zutara = AMAZING
> 
> Seriously, I _love_ writing this kind of stuff. Especially when Zuko is there to support Katara (though I love the opposite too). My girl needs a break and someone who will put her needs first even when she won't.
> 
> Almost done! If you've liked my fics this week, stop back tomorrow for my last entry for Zutara Week 2020, and feel free to check out my other stories (all Zutara!) or find me on [Tumblr](https://soopersara.tumblr.com/)! Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated ❤💙


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